American Horror Story Coven: “The Seven Wonders” isn’t so Wonderful Review/MAJOR SPOILERS

After a really bad penultimate episode, American Horror Story manages to…NOPE!  When the season started it had so much potential, most of the characters really drew me in right away, the writing was a superb mix of horror and dark comedy.  I liked it so much I went back and watched the first two seasons and got obsessed with the show, but soon the writing began to take a turn for the worse and everyone was getting resurrected left and right, and it was basically just bitchy quips and bits of horror mixed in.  Ideas were being tossed in and out(not that AHS hasn’t done this before but this season actually suffers from it) and eventually I just started to lose interest.

However when Episodes Ten and Eleven came around I grew excited again as the show seemed to be recovering, alas that was not the case.  These final two episodes have been ridiculous, absolutely f*cking ridiculous, and not in the good way.  They bring to light one of the main problems with the season:  why does this matter?  As I watched the finale I wondered what really was the point of Zoe and Kyle coming back anyways(or at all), what was the point of Delphine at all, and as much as I enjoyed Marie what was the point of that entire conflict between the two covens? 

The supposed theme of the season was minorities fighting so much among themselves that they forget who the problem is, but there was absolutely nothing even similar to that at all in the finale.  When you pick a theme you should stick to it, Season One deviated from it’s theme a bit but in the end they brought the story back to it, and Asylum was definitely the most focused of the bunch.  At the end of this finale the only theme I got was that the good guys win and the bad guys lose(except for Spalding who can now use Madison’s corpse as a sex-doll for eternity, because that’s definitely justice *rolls eyes*). 

The reveal of Cordelia being the Supreme was absolutely one of the most underwhelming reveals to ever be shown on television ever.  Ryan Murphy had talked up the reveal so much saying how no one had guessed the Supreme, and maybe that was just a way to throw us off, but Delia was one of the first guesses I even heard as to who would be the Supreme.  Also when she’s talking about how maybe it’s better if they all die off if Madison is their only hope I cringed like crazy.  I know that a lot of the final episodes had Myrtle talking about how strong and courageous Delia was(probably because if they had one of the best characters say how great Delia was maybe the audience would believe it), as Fiona would say:  Jesus Christ!  Under Delia’s watch one girl got her throat slit and became a sex doll for the creepy butler, another got buried alive, another drowned in a bathtub, another shot in the head, her husband was a witch hunter who shot up a hair salon full of witches, and they also employed a racist serial killer!  That doesn’t exactly sound like someone I’d trust to run a Coven.

There were some bright spots in the episode like Madison(God rest her soul) and her hell being cast in NBC’s “The Sound of Music Live”, Myrtle(may she play thermin with the angels) just being Myrtle and going out like the badass and most fabulous motherf***er this earth has ever seen, that Stevie Nicks opening which was a lot of fun, and that scene with Fiona and Delia was actually quite good.  However the bad far outweighs the good(seriously Zoe’s hell is that Kyle doesn’t love her was the stupidest thing ever, Taissa’s great but even she couldn’t bring anything to that line at all.  Though I suppose it’s fitting the most boring of the witches is the one with the most boring hell).  The worst part of the episode for me was Madison’s death, which is quite possibly the stupidest death I’ve ever witnessed on television ever(aside from Andrea on “The Walking Dead”).  The girl who blew up a goddamn bus and could basically do anything she wanted, got killed by getting strangled by Kyle who can barely form a proper sentence.  She could have easily blown up with a snap of a finger and that’s how she goes out.  Stupid.

Fiona returns for about five minutes where she has a very good scene with Delia, though I must say was expecting her to kill Delia after Delia refused to off her.  We then find out that her hell is living in a cabin with the Axeman and eating raw fish, when she woke up I legitimately thought that the whole season was going to have been a dream by Jude, the set looked exactly likes Kit’s house and she was wearing her old grandma Jude clothes.  Delia also gives a speech reminiscent of Lana’s in “Madness Ends” which only adds to the shitty-ness of the finale.  By bringing up “Madness Ends”(while I preferred Season One because it was less dark,  “Madness Ends” is one of the most beautiful finales I ever seen.  Absolutely perfect) it just makes this finale look worse.

Misty also dies because she can’t kill a living thing(which if the writers remember correctly she already did when she brought back the zombie gators to kill those hunters) and is stuck in her hell for the rest of her existence killing and resurrecting frogs.  This finale was the literal definition of anti-climactic.  The episode wasn’t just bad, it was boring.  I don’t blame this on Doug Petrie(who wrote numerous episodes of Buffy), but rather on all the writers for how many unnecessary plots were introduced and how the season turned into such a clusterf*ck.  The finale could have just been Stevie Nicks singing through the hallways and it would have been more exciting than what we got(just thought I’d mention it again, I loved that opening).  I know I’ll probably watch next season if only out of habit, but I’m extremely hesitant about it.  They’d have to bring back Emma Roberts and Alexandra Breckenridge(mmm…), Frances Conroy’s name doesn’t even have to be spoken, she will return and if she doesn’t I won’t.  Frances Conroy rules the universe, all hail the queen!

GRADE:  D-

 

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The Following Season Two Premiere Review: Oh My God This Show Is So Bad, It’s Good.

MAJOR SPOILERS FOLLOW…

Huggy, Hug.

This show is so f*cking bad, I love it!  I’m not going to lie I hate watch “The Following”, and I like it.  Here’s the thing about the “Following”, sure it’s pretty bad but there’s really no show like it.  Sure the show had the potential to be a great series in it’s own right, but the batshit craziness of the show is what keeps me watching.  Season Two has brought in three Dexter alumni in Sam Underwood(Zach Hamilton from Season Eight), Keith Carradine(Lundy from Seasons 2 and Four, he really deserves much better but at least he’s getting work on an enjoyable show), and Valerie Cruz(Sylvia Prado from Seasons 3 and 8), as well as the talented(albeit not the best at picking projects) Jessica Stroup aka Silver from 90210(yes folks I watched all five insufferable seasons of 90210, if only I had the blog back then that would be a lot of fun reviews to write.  The first three seasons weren’t that bad but the last two were absolutely horrific).  So here it is, Following Season Two is here, so how is it?

Well it’s the Following.  The acting is unsurprisingly amazing, Kevin Bacon(and eggs)  continues to do some great work.  Despite Silver being my least favorite character on 90210(god I feel so weird writing that), Jessica Stroup always seemed to be the most talented actress of the bunch, and it shows here.  Her character Max really adds a lot to the show, and is legitimately compelling, however knowing this show she and her boyfriend(either scenario he probably is one) are probably followers or she’ll die a brutal death. 

Sam Underwood’s characters seem to be the show’s way of filling in the kinky killers aspect we had with Emma, Jacob, and Paul last season.  The one twin dances in his underwear with the dead body of the girl he just killed to 70’s dance music, no joke.  Also he later makes one of the followers Carlos hug him and says “Huggy, hug”.  Only on this show, only on this show(although let’s be honest it could probably happen on AHS too).  I don’t know if they’re going to go “there” with the twins, but knowing this show and based off of some of the subtext I wouldn’t be terribly surprised.  Also one of them doesn’t seem to really want to be in the cult or kill anyone, so yeah that idea is probably going to pop up every season.

Joe Carrol is alive, and he’s got a beard now, and his wife Natalie Zea(I’m usually great at names but I’ll be honest I don’t remember like half of the characters names from last season) is dead.  Keith Carradine’s playing Ryan’s AA sponsor Barry, and he doesn’t really do much but he’s getting work so woohoo(he’s an excellent actor, really want to see him get more work).  The show also introduces new FBI agents who I assume will all be dead by episode three, also Valerie Cruz looks exactly like Debra Parker from last season here. 

The cult’s back up and running again, but is it imitators or the old crew(that very question is muttered about a thousand times in this episode)?  A mix of both, and they’re all kind of living together and right next to each other, which doesn’t make sense to me because wouldn’t it be easier to find them if they all stick together.  They also murder a bunch of people in a train while shouting resurrection wearing masks of Joe’s face, and I’m not going to lie the scene was so absurd I laughed a little bit.

One aspect I actually legitimately liked about the premiere of the show is that Ryan’s continuing his investigation without the assistance of the FBI. I thought that was a nice reveal, like I said the Bacon scenes are the best and I can’t wait to see him troll some followers. Also Max is a nice addition to the cast.

Overall, the Following’s second season premiere remains very entertaining.  The acting and straight up absurdity of the show is one of the things I really love about it, I even like the characters themselves, but the writing is just so dumb.  As long as the acting remains top notch and the story remains absurd I’ll keep watching the Following. Finally, I have to add it’s nice to bring T&T back to it’s roots by reviewing a show about serial killer(s) that’s really stupid. Ah nostalgia.

GRADE:  87% B(Graded on a Curve)

American Horror Story “Protect The Coven” Review/MAJOR SPOILERS

MAJOR SPOILERS FOLLOW…

I understand that a lot of people have been really aggravated with these last few episodes, but while I feel the middle part of Coven was getting really shocking for the sake of shocking, I actually have loved these last two episodes.  “Protect The Coven” is absolutely batshit insane and that’s what I love about it, from Axeman going all out badass on the witch hunters, to Madison calling Myrtle a “old hot pocket” and then exclaiming “crotchless panties for everyone!”, I really loved this episode.  Sure “Coven” shouldn’t exactly be rounding up any awards this season,  but the over the top absurdity of the show is something I really admire. 

The Marie and Fiona partnership is a lot of fun to watch, and the Axeman has been much more interesting here than he was in the first few episodes he was in.  The funeral scene for Nan was oddly hilarious, mostly due to Lange and Basset’s performances.  Basset’s facial expression and exclaiming of “Amen!” and clap of the hands killed me, as did her reaction to Queenie’s anger over leaving her(“Oh girl c’mere, I thought yoass was dead”).  Marie’s just amazing in this episode, if any two performers from Coven deserve Emmys it’s Basset and Frances Conroy(I’d also like Emma to win, but I think that’d be unlikely to happen).  Also I metaphorically died when she ordered the sprite, diet sprite.

Seeing the Axeman go and kill of the witch hunters(RIP Hank’s dad, and Mike Colter’s character.  I really like Mike Colter, Ringer was a real guilty pleasure of mine and it was nice to see him even if it was for only three episodes).  The episode begins to tie up the Madison/Kyle/Zoe love triangle, by literally sending Zoe and Kyle off on a bus.  I totally though Madison was going to blow the bus up at the end, I felt it would have made the scene much more powerful and brought things back to the beginning of the season.  I actually like Zoe, and it was nice to see Evan Peters actually talk for a change but I feel like their storyline has kind of been wasted.  I would have liked if Kyle had been conscious since the beginning and see him react to the reveal of witches existing and all that mumbo jumbo. 

Oh and Queenie’s back, and might be the Supreme.  This was the most ridiculous part of the episode because it just felt so forced, like I got ONE new power I must be the Supreme(next week Myrtle’s thermin will start mimicking the violin, and the series ending twist that no one guessed is the thermin is the new supreme).  I wish they would have had a better explanation for her return though, also Delphine’s got her body again(because there is no such thing as consequence in the world of Coven) and still wearing Ed Hardy.  Also that whole character arc with her seeing the errors of her way and her abandoning her prejudice is abandoned and she kills an injured African American man in the present, although in the shows defense it does state that she’s just a straight up sociopath and just prefers black blood. 

Spalding’s also back, because why not, still a ghost though and he’s still eerily creepy but still kind of funny.  He convinces Delphine to get him a doll in exchange for the secret to killing Marie(Benadryl, yes that Benadryl.  It’s pretty amazing, it doesn’t actually kill her she’s just allergic, but the scene where Delphine “poisons” her was hilarious).  The Spalding and Delphine duo is pretty cool to see, but seeing him holding the baby at the end was to me the scariest thing that’s happened all season. 

Myrtle is still a goddess, and deserves her own spin-off(and movie).  Frances is amazing.  Cordelia jabs her eyes out to protect the coven.  I love Sarah Paulson, I really feel for her here.  Overall, this episode was a lot of fun.  Maybe Coven isn’t perfect, but all of the action and dark humor is really a lot of fun to watch, regardless of the fact that the writers have poor plotting skills. 

THEORY FOR THE FINAL TWO EPISODES:  Next week will close out most of the major storylines and characters similar to the 12th episodes of Seasons 1 and 2, most of the character will probably die.  Madison’ll probably be killed by Zoe or Kyle(Zoe or Kyle will also die), Cordelia will kill Fiona and she might die too(maybe by the Axeman or Spalding), Misty will be freed, and Myrtle will take over the reigns of the Robichaux School.  The Supreme will be the baby, and the final episode will be about the new class of witches at the school, or something.  I don’t know, I might be right but who knows.

GRADE:  A+ 95%(Graded on curve, because while it’s not the most well plotted season, the craziness is just off the walls insane and amazing)

+Axeman VS Witchhunters

+ Fiona and Marie(mostly Marie)

+ Myrtle, the queen of everything.

+ Madison

+ Benadryl

———————–

– Everyone is the Supreme

 

 

Showtime’s David Nevins Wants to Forget Season Eight of Dexter As Much as the Rest of Us(SPIN-OFF NEWS)

MAJOR SPOILERS FOLLOW

It all ends with him being a lumberjack, SPOILER ALERT.  As one of the few people who actually liked the finale(although it doesn’t excuse the rest of the season’s general shitty-ness), David Nevins has now come to say that the Dexter spin-off will basically be just “Dexter” in a new setting with a new cast, except that it will never happen.  In the interview Nevins just kind of seems to shrug and be like “yeah, whatever.  We’re in “talks” of doing a spin off, but only if Michael does it, and god knows he’s never returning after that clusterf*ck of a final season”.  No he didn’t explicitly state any of this, but he did seem very indifferent(if not completely against) making a spin-off of the show, which is very different from his earlier interviews where he talked about how much he wanted to continue Dexter’s legacy on Showtime in some format. 

GRADE:  A+ Because A) I thought the ending was pretty decent B) things could be much worse than Season Eight like say Season Six, and finally C) if MCH does actually decide to return I’m sure it’d only be if the script was really good, or he was out of cash.

American Horror Story: Coven “The Magical Delights of Stevie Nicks” Review/MAJOR SPOILERS

MAJOR SPOILERS FOLLOW…

Don’t be a hater dear.

Despite this week’s extremely campy title, this weeks installment of Coven is the best one in a while.  This week’s episode introduces us to the Fiona/Marie’s dangerous duo, and what a dangerous one it is indeed.  This episode has raised the suspense level up ten notches by getting rid of one of it’s best and most Deus Ex Machina-y characters:  Misty Day(at least temporarily).  This episode did a great job of mixing humor with horror, and accomplished more than all nine episodes before it. 

The titular guest star actually does add to the episode, as Stevie helps elevate the tension between Madison and Misty, which is eventually the swamp witches undoing.  The two’s interaction was exceptional, and it made me wish we could have seen a bit more of the dynamic before Misty ended up six feet under(quite literally).  The visual of Madison knocking Misty into the coffin, and then doing the shawl twirl was hilarious, Emma Roberts just must return next season I demand it! 

We also get to learn more about Marie’s past, which reveals she’s no saint.  Her immortality is due to her deal with voodoo god Papa Legba, where she will sacrifice an innocent once a year(including but not limited to unfortunately babies), and Legba is collecting.  The flashback scene was great and Angela Basset doesn’t look a day over thirty.  This results in Marie kidnapping a baby from the hospital for her next deal, but luckily Nan intervenes leaving the baby alive and the not so innocent but close enough Nan dead(“Really she’s innocent, she killed the neighbor lady, but the bitch had it coming”). 

Lance Reddick gives a superb performance, and I can’t wait to see more of Papa Legba.  I have a feeling the baby may just be the next Supreme, notice Fiona’s symptoms have been worsening, secondly Ryan Murphy has stated that no one has guessed who the new Supreme is, and that the ending regarding the Supreme would be an ironic twist filled with dark humor.  It’d be incredibly ironic that Fiona saves the baby, to kill Nan because she’s a “potential supreme”, when the one she saved ended up being the one killing her.  Just a guess.  The Axeman also returns, and in a spectacular scene Fiona decides that she’s to kill all the witches(“Didn’t you hear?  I don’t have a soul, I’m going to kill ’em all”). 

Myrtle only appears in one scene but damn is it a good one.  Delia is throwing a fit after her mother tells her that she’s a waste, and Myrtle decides to cheer her up by playing Thermin(some sort of instrument used in Science Fiction moves according to an interview I read, could this be a hint to Season Four, that and the possibility of Santa Fe(desert) as setting hints at the possibility of a science fiction based Season Four)

The final scene with Fiona and Stevie Nicks playing “Has Anyone Ever Written Anything For You” was while incredibly powerful and well done, a bit strange. This being because this episode kind of did away with the whole Fiona is a sympathetic character with her killing Nan and planning on killing all of the witches. Still the scene was great and very moving.
Overall, this episode really got stuff up and running again. After a couple weak episode “The Magical Delights of Stevie Nicks” really brought back the excitement that I had earlier in the season.

PROMOS: Reviews Coming Soon to the Nearest Toaster Near You(From Parks and Rec’ to AHS)

Welcome to PROMOS(all caps), the new updated version of “Upcoming Stuff”(updated only in the fact that it’s called PROMOS because I though it was witty, get it because they show promos for the next episodes of television shows and this is telling you what’s coming soon.  Heh.)  So what reviews do you have to look forward to this coming week? 

PARKS AND RECREATIONS:  The 100th episode review will be posted at latest by Monday.  SPOILER ALERT:  I loved it, and it had Kristen(VERONICA MARS SINGS OPERAH) and Barry Zuckercorn, so it’s not really surprising.

AMERICAN HORROR STORY COVEN:  I’m like 75% done with the review I just need to spruce it up a bit and finish the closer.  So it’ll be up tomorrow. 

COMMUNITY:  Maybe tomorrow, maybe Sunday.  I actually haven’t seen the episode yet, I only saw the last five minutes(SPOILERS:  RIP PIERCE).

Pretty Little Liars:  Yup folks!  I am actually going to hate watch Pretty Little Liars mid-season premiere.  Depending on how much I can tolerate hate watching PLL this week, this may be a regular feature.  My sister absolutely loved my first post(she’s a big fan of the books but HATES the show, I’ve only read the first book).
I’m sure there are other posts but these are the only definite posts in the next few days. I’m also doing a Dexter rewatch through Netflix, so I revisit the whole series in an upcoming post(much to my surprise this time around I loved Season 3, and wasn’t a big fan of Season Four I didn’t hate it but just okay, whereas it was the other way around the first time). So more posts are coming!

The Neighbors “Fear and Loving in New Jersey” Review/MAJOR SPOILERS

MAJOR SPOILERS FOLLOW…

This is such a fun show.  For those of you that haven’t heard of the Neighbors(I don’t blame you, ABC’s done a shitty job of promoting it, and the show was initially written off by a lot of people due to the pilot not being that great), it’s an ABC comedy which is basically a family comedy version of “Community” with aliens.  That’s the best way I can describe it, the show really breaks the mold of family comedies.  Now don’t get me wrong I do enjoy “Modern Family”, “The Middle”, “Trophy Wife”, and even “The Goldbergs”(“Suburgatory” needs to reprove itself to me with this new season, because season two was pretty awful aside from Dalia just owning every scene she’s in), but “The Neighbors” is really one of a kind when it comes to family sitcoms. 

After enduring a painful thirty minute propaganda ad against the democratic party, or as ABC calls it “Last Man Standing”(seriously if you don’t believe me, please watch tonight’s episode it’s laughable only in the fact is absolutely terrible and is basically just a preachy ad pushing the writers and Tim Allen’s political beliefs.  It’s not even subtle about it, it literally pretty much states all liberals are crazy jerks just trying to fit in.  It was the television equivalent of political Facebook posts.), I was ready for some “Neighbors”, and it didn’t disappoint.  “Fear and Loving in New Jersey” was not only really funny, but also isn’t afraid to end on a downer.  I like when comedies take risks and don’t tie everything up in a nice bow at the end, and actually add some legitimate conflict to the show. 

The  Weaver’s son has decided to become like his idol, American hero Johnny Knoxville, and is making his own version of “Jackass” appropriately titled Kidiots.  This was more of the B-plot of the episode to the Reggie/Amber story, but it was probably the funniest storyline of the episode.  Some of the funniest moments include:  after the son(I’m sorry I don’t remember either of the kids names but they are really funny) gets the daughter to take part in the group’s first demonstration, Debbi states to the daughter “I’m ashamed of you” to which she states “Honestly mom, I’m ashamed of myself”, anything with Larry Byrd is of course comedic gold, Megan Parks characters arrival and her passive aggressive bitchiness was funny, and Reggie’s reasoning for using the scary movie. 

The Reggie/Amber storyline came to a big development this week, with Reggie’s alien soul mate(Megan Park) and Amber’s refusal to say she loves him.  While I’m sure that by the end of the season, it was actually a nice change of pace to see the episode  end on such a shocking and sad development.  The scenes between Amber and Debbi were spectacular(“That means a lot mom.  I’m not being sarcastic, that’s just how I talk”).  Also I just love Jami Gertz and she was great tonight.

Overall, this was a really great episode.  I love the show for the risks it takes, and the humor is excellent.

OVERALL:  B+