American Horror Story “Protect The Coven” Review/MAJOR SPOILERS

MAJOR SPOILERS FOLLOW…

I understand that a lot of people have been really aggravated with these last few episodes, but while I feel the middle part of Coven was getting really shocking for the sake of shocking, I actually have loved these last two episodes.  “Protect The Coven” is absolutely batshit insane and that’s what I love about it, from Axeman going all out badass on the witch hunters, to Madison calling Myrtle a “old hot pocket” and then exclaiming “crotchless panties for everyone!”, I really loved this episode.  Sure “Coven” shouldn’t exactly be rounding up any awards this season,  but the over the top absurdity of the show is something I really admire. 

The Marie and Fiona partnership is a lot of fun to watch, and the Axeman has been much more interesting here than he was in the first few episodes he was in.  The funeral scene for Nan was oddly hilarious, mostly due to Lange and Basset’s performances.  Basset’s facial expression and exclaiming of “Amen!” and clap of the hands killed me, as did her reaction to Queenie’s anger over leaving her(“Oh girl c’mere, I thought yoass was dead”).  Marie’s just amazing in this episode, if any two performers from Coven deserve Emmys it’s Basset and Frances Conroy(I’d also like Emma to win, but I think that’d be unlikely to happen).  Also I metaphorically died when she ordered the sprite, diet sprite.

Seeing the Axeman go and kill of the witch hunters(RIP Hank’s dad, and Mike Colter’s character.  I really like Mike Colter, Ringer was a real guilty pleasure of mine and it was nice to see him even if it was for only three episodes).  The episode begins to tie up the Madison/Kyle/Zoe love triangle, by literally sending Zoe and Kyle off on a bus.  I totally though Madison was going to blow the bus up at the end, I felt it would have made the scene much more powerful and brought things back to the beginning of the season.  I actually like Zoe, and it was nice to see Evan Peters actually talk for a change but I feel like their storyline has kind of been wasted.  I would have liked if Kyle had been conscious since the beginning and see him react to the reveal of witches existing and all that mumbo jumbo. 

Oh and Queenie’s back, and might be the Supreme.  This was the most ridiculous part of the episode because it just felt so forced, like I got ONE new power I must be the Supreme(next week Myrtle’s thermin will start mimicking the violin, and the series ending twist that no one guessed is the thermin is the new supreme).  I wish they would have had a better explanation for her return though, also Delphine’s got her body again(because there is no such thing as consequence in the world of Coven) and still wearing Ed Hardy.  Also that whole character arc with her seeing the errors of her way and her abandoning her prejudice is abandoned and she kills an injured African American man in the present, although in the shows defense it does state that she’s just a straight up sociopath and just prefers black blood. 

Spalding’s also back, because why not, still a ghost though and he’s still eerily creepy but still kind of funny.  He convinces Delphine to get him a doll in exchange for the secret to killing Marie(Benadryl, yes that Benadryl.  It’s pretty amazing, it doesn’t actually kill her she’s just allergic, but the scene where Delphine “poisons” her was hilarious).  The Spalding and Delphine duo is pretty cool to see, but seeing him holding the baby at the end was to me the scariest thing that’s happened all season. 

Myrtle is still a goddess, and deserves her own spin-off(and movie).  Frances is amazing.  Cordelia jabs her eyes out to protect the coven.  I love Sarah Paulson, I really feel for her here.  Overall, this episode was a lot of fun.  Maybe Coven isn’t perfect, but all of the action and dark humor is really a lot of fun to watch, regardless of the fact that the writers have poor plotting skills. 

THEORY FOR THE FINAL TWO EPISODES:  Next week will close out most of the major storylines and characters similar to the 12th episodes of Seasons 1 and 2, most of the character will probably die.  Madison’ll probably be killed by Zoe or Kyle(Zoe or Kyle will also die), Cordelia will kill Fiona and she might die too(maybe by the Axeman or Spalding), Misty will be freed, and Myrtle will take over the reigns of the Robichaux School.  The Supreme will be the baby, and the final episode will be about the new class of witches at the school, or something.  I don’t know, I might be right but who knows.

GRADE:  A+ 95%(Graded on curve, because while it’s not the most well plotted season, the craziness is just off the walls insane and amazing)

+Axeman VS Witchhunters

+ Fiona and Marie(mostly Marie)

+ Myrtle, the queen of everything.

+ Madison

+ Benadryl

———————–

– Everyone is the Supreme

 

 

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