American Horror Story Coven: “The Seven Wonders” isn’t so Wonderful Review/MAJOR SPOILERS

After a really bad penultimate episode, American Horror Story manages to…NOPE!  When the season started it had so much potential, most of the characters really drew me in right away, the writing was a superb mix of horror and dark comedy.  I liked it so much I went back and watched the first two seasons and got obsessed with the show, but soon the writing began to take a turn for the worse and everyone was getting resurrected left and right, and it was basically just bitchy quips and bits of horror mixed in.  Ideas were being tossed in and out(not that AHS hasn’t done this before but this season actually suffers from it) and eventually I just started to lose interest.

However when Episodes Ten and Eleven came around I grew excited again as the show seemed to be recovering, alas that was not the case.  These final two episodes have been ridiculous, absolutely f*cking ridiculous, and not in the good way.  They bring to light one of the main problems with the season:  why does this matter?  As I watched the finale I wondered what really was the point of Zoe and Kyle coming back anyways(or at all), what was the point of Delphine at all, and as much as I enjoyed Marie what was the point of that entire conflict between the two covens? 

The supposed theme of the season was minorities fighting so much among themselves that they forget who the problem is, but there was absolutely nothing even similar to that at all in the finale.  When you pick a theme you should stick to it, Season One deviated from it’s theme a bit but in the end they brought the story back to it, and Asylum was definitely the most focused of the bunch.  At the end of this finale the only theme I got was that the good guys win and the bad guys lose(except for Spalding who can now use Madison’s corpse as a sex-doll for eternity, because that’s definitely justice *rolls eyes*). 

The reveal of Cordelia being the Supreme was absolutely one of the most underwhelming reveals to ever be shown on television ever.  Ryan Murphy had talked up the reveal so much saying how no one had guessed the Supreme, and maybe that was just a way to throw us off, but Delia was one of the first guesses I even heard as to who would be the Supreme.  Also when she’s talking about how maybe it’s better if they all die off if Madison is their only hope I cringed like crazy.  I know that a lot of the final episodes had Myrtle talking about how strong and courageous Delia was(probably because if they had one of the best characters say how great Delia was maybe the audience would believe it), as Fiona would say:  Jesus Christ!  Under Delia’s watch one girl got her throat slit and became a sex doll for the creepy butler, another got buried alive, another drowned in a bathtub, another shot in the head, her husband was a witch hunter who shot up a hair salon full of witches, and they also employed a racist serial killer!  That doesn’t exactly sound like someone I’d trust to run a Coven.

There were some bright spots in the episode like Madison(God rest her soul) and her hell being cast in NBC’s “The Sound of Music Live”, Myrtle(may she play thermin with the angels) just being Myrtle and going out like the badass and most fabulous motherf***er this earth has ever seen, that Stevie Nicks opening which was a lot of fun, and that scene with Fiona and Delia was actually quite good.  However the bad far outweighs the good(seriously Zoe’s hell is that Kyle doesn’t love her was the stupidest thing ever, Taissa’s great but even she couldn’t bring anything to that line at all.  Though I suppose it’s fitting the most boring of the witches is the one with the most boring hell).  The worst part of the episode for me was Madison’s death, which is quite possibly the stupidest death I’ve ever witnessed on television ever(aside from Andrea on “The Walking Dead”).  The girl who blew up a goddamn bus and could basically do anything she wanted, got killed by getting strangled by Kyle who can barely form a proper sentence.  She could have easily blown up with a snap of a finger and that’s how she goes out.  Stupid.

Fiona returns for about five minutes where she has a very good scene with Delia, though I must say was expecting her to kill Delia after Delia refused to off her.  We then find out that her hell is living in a cabin with the Axeman and eating raw fish, when she woke up I legitimately thought that the whole season was going to have been a dream by Jude, the set looked exactly likes Kit’s house and she was wearing her old grandma Jude clothes.  Delia also gives a speech reminiscent of Lana’s in “Madness Ends” which only adds to the shitty-ness of the finale.  By bringing up “Madness Ends”(while I preferred Season One because it was less dark,  “Madness Ends” is one of the most beautiful finales I ever seen.  Absolutely perfect) it just makes this finale look worse.

Misty also dies because she can’t kill a living thing(which if the writers remember correctly she already did when she brought back the zombie gators to kill those hunters) and is stuck in her hell for the rest of her existence killing and resurrecting frogs.  This finale was the literal definition of anti-climactic.  The episode wasn’t just bad, it was boring.  I don’t blame this on Doug Petrie(who wrote numerous episodes of Buffy), but rather on all the writers for how many unnecessary plots were introduced and how the season turned into such a clusterf*ck.  The finale could have just been Stevie Nicks singing through the hallways and it would have been more exciting than what we got(just thought I’d mention it again, I loved that opening).  I know I’ll probably watch next season if only out of habit, but I’m extremely hesitant about it.  They’d have to bring back Emma Roberts and Alexandra Breckenridge(mmm…), Frances Conroy’s name doesn’t even have to be spoken, she will return and if she doesn’t I won’t.  Frances Conroy rules the universe, all hail the queen!

GRADE:  D-

 

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4 thoughts on “American Horror Story Coven: “The Seven Wonders” isn’t so Wonderful Review/MAJOR SPOILERS”

  1. I like what you said about sticking to one theme. The season just kept jumping all over the place, and it quickly became a muddled pile of crap. Some of the ideas they had weren’t bad at all, but the problem was that they never focused on those good ideas.

    Also, agreed on it being anticlimactic, as well as the need to bring back Alexandra Breckenridge…mmm is right. Between her and Alexandra Daddario (have you seen True Detective?), we have some nice Alexandras on television.

    Great review!

    1. Yeah, the theme changed from episode to episode. Mother and daughter, feminism, and racism were just some of the different ideas they attempted to play with and it just felt like a mess. Another thing I forgot to mention in my review is how ridiculous it was that Fiona showed remorse in that final scene, they kept flip flopping between her feeling bad about what she’s done and just being a straight up sociopath bent on power and immortality. Unfortunately I’ve yet to see True Detective(I don’t have HBO) but I definitely plan to, it looks amazing.

  2. Nice review! I’m not sure about your theory about why Misty died, however. The show utterly failed to explain *how* any of the other 3 got out of hell, so I don’t think we can assume that Misty failed because she couldn’t willingly kill a frog. Frankly, I hated that Misty died that way and is apparently consigned to hell forever. According to this show, does *everyone* go to hell or else become a ghost? I guess Misty went to hell because she did the same incantation that everyone else did that causes one to take a trip to hell, but she certainly didn’t “belong” in hell. As you pointed out, she did kill the poachers but she did far more that was good to even out the scales. I don’t belong to a religion that believes in hell, but I’ve read enough about Catholicism to know that if Misty were Catholic she would have to confess the killing of the poachers and repent (or does that not work because murder is a mortal sin?) but Misty wasn’t Catholic. Kyle spoke to Madison about “that dark place” that he and Madison were between being killed and revived. Kyle didn’t deserve to go to hell when he was killed, so why didn’t he go to heaven (he could have been like Buffy and when he was finally able to speak again he could have sang to Zoie… well, you know what I’m talking about)? After a whole second season that took place in a Catholic asylum, how did they screw the pooch so badly on the mythology of the afterlife in this season?!

    Misty died because she was the least trained witch. She wasn’t a pupil of the coven and had only worked on her resurrection power and Nicks’ discography. (I love Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac and that, along with the amazing performances by so many brilliant actresses will make this one of my favorite-ever shows despite the flaws). Salon’s “How Queer is American Horror Story: Coven?” http://www.slate.com/blogs/outward/2014/01/29/american_horror_story_recap_how_queer_is_ahs_coven_episode_13.html has a great theory about how Misty was “in the closet” about her powers and not wanting to be part of the community.

    I think it would have been better if Misty was the one impaled on the fence. They could have had to come up with something else for Zoie to fail and put her out of commission for a spell (haha) – perhaps telekinesis? Madison could have knocked Zoie unconscious during the Kyle-lick-my-boot fight. Then Misty would be the one that needed to be brought back (though she did have the ability to resurrect herself… there has to be a creative way to make her unable to) which would have made it even more evil when Madison refused to do the deed. You are right that Madison’s death by Kyle made no sense, so maybe Myrtle, enraged that Madison won’t bring back her beloved savior, Misty, goes pyrokinetic on her ass and leaves Madison as a pile of ash, instead of Misty. Everything else happens as it did, but Delia would have 3 remaining candidates to replace the Council (which did, originally, have 3 members).

    I think I’ll remember the finale that way. (I think there is a term for fans deciding that things didn’t happen or happened differently on “TV Tropes”, but I can’t remember what it is.) I’m now going to google around and see if I can figure out why on earth Angela Basset wasn’t listed in the title credits….?

    1. I think Basset wasn’t a regular so that she could win best guest star at the Emmy’s and Lange or Bates could still win best leading actress. At least that’s what I’ve assumed. Very good point, they really didn’t explain how they escaped hell. Those ideas definitely would’ve improved the finale(especially Myrtle killing Madison, Kyle killing her was not only stupid but in poor taste for several reasons, including what happened between Roberts and Peters last summer and the fact that Kyle’s made from the parts of her rapists, also the previously mentioned Spalding thing), but I still feel like a lot of things would have to be fixed about the season in general.

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