Tag Archives: Jessica Lange

American Horror Story: Freak Show 4×10 “Orphans” Review/MAJOR SPOILERS

MAJOR SPOILERS FOLLOW…

I have to say with these last two episodes “Freak Show” has really upped it’s game.   “Orphans” is without a doubt the best episode of “Freak Show”, maybe even one of the best of the series.   The episode serves as a nice tie-in to “Asylum”, showing us the life of Pepper through flashbacks as well as having a quick appearance by Sister Mary Eunice, but it also starts to set the end of the season into motion while revealing the freak show’s beginnings.

First, I have to say it was nice to see Maggie unleashing her inner Madison Montgomery on Desiree.   While I can’t say I totally buy the Maggie/Jimmy romance,  I think the show finally justified her character this week, who prior to this really could be taken out of the season with no real impact to the story.  I feel as if I’m one of the few people that actually likes Emma Roberts, and not just because she’s hot(seriously though , can we please get a shot of Emma Robert’s booty or at least get another scene with her in her underwear like in “Coven”)Madison was one of the most consistent elements of “Coven” and I’m not going to suddenly forget that because her character this year is generally pretty dull.  What can I even say about Angela Basset, that I haven’t already?   She’s been killing it, and I’m hoping if any of the characters gets a happy ending it’s her.

Jessica Lange got some good stuff this week too.  It was nice to see the side of Elsa we saw in the premiere.  It’s strange I recently re-watched the premiere, and it’s crazy how much things have changed since and how many bizarre plot twists the show has taken since then.  Elsa was actually quite caring , even if a bit self-obsessed, at the beginning and seemed to care for the freaks in her own way.  This was Jessica Lange’s best episode all season, no doubt.  The Pepper backstory was really well done, and as much as I feared that it would seem out of nowhere it really didn’t and I don’t think I would have minded anyways.   It was a heartbreaking backstory, but god was it nice to see Briarcliff and Sister Mary Eunice again.  I hope that Naomi Grossman get’s an award for outstanding guest star or something because she was fantastic this week.

This was a great episode, and I’m actually excited to see what happens next.   We have Neil Patrick Harris and Jamie Brewer(Addy/Nan!!!) in the next two episodes to look forward too.   I’m super excited for Jamie Brewer’s return, hopefully her role is a bit more interesting than Gabourey Sidibe and Emma Robert’s “Freak Show” characters.  These last two episodes have really upped the stakes, maybe “Freak Show” will be able to end with some style.

OVERALL: A+ 97%

American Horror Story: Freak Show “Blood Bath” MAJOR SPOILERS/Review: Mother’s Greatest Gift

MAJOR SPOILERS….

Gloria:  No.   I can’t live without you.

Dandy: Okay.  (shoots her)

I wasn’t a fan of this episode.  Or the last.   Or maybe even the whole season.   I’m not sure.   But what I know is I didn’t care much for this episode, and that this season has a lot of wasted potential.   I mean when I looked at the credits and saw Danny Huston and Gabourey Sidibe were back, I was so excited then this episode just…happened.    It was a mess, I feel like the season might go down as my least favorite if they don’t speed up soon.

Okay, so in my time of reflection I realized Finn Wittorock is actually really fucking awesome.   I feel like I was taking his performance too seriously at first, but now I’ve seen the light.   Having said that his storyline isn’t really going anywhere.   Like he still hasn’t really tied himself into the “Freak Show” enough.  While I’m sad to see Gloria go(Frances Conroy deserves a much better role next season, I mean don’t get me wrong she was great this year, it’s just her character wasn’t), that death scene was fucking brilliant and probably one of the few bright spots in the episode.  Gabourey Sidibe’s character better have a purpose, I mean I love Gabby, but I feel like this might just be another one of those “LOOK WHO’S ON THE SHOW? BAM DEY DEAD!” moments or worse…a Patti Lupone, where she ends up having no purpose and is just there to look pretty.

The Angela Basset and the Freak Women thing was so fucking campy.  Like I really wondered if the dialogue was a joke or not.  So bad, yet so good.   Seriously Angela Basset, Kathy Bates, and Frances Conroy are gonna run this bitch next year without Lange.  Speaking of, Ethel’s death was too soon, and not necessary at all.   Though, this “American Horror Story” we’ll probably get a couple flashbacks of bearded Kathy Bates in all her greatness.  Jessica Lange brought the camp, and it was great, even though that dialogue was also really awful.  Also why did no one assume that Strong Man doucheface Michael Chiklis might have had something to do with Ma Petite’s death after what he did to Amazon Eve?

Also mega props to Denis O’Hare, he is killing it this year.  His character is great, Emma Robert’s on the other hand…  It’s a shame, really.   I know people give her a lot of shit, but I loved Madison last year and she and Myrtle were my two favorite parts of “Coven” so I’ve been really excited to see what Emma Robert’s would get to do this season.   Well, the answer to that is still up in the air.   The character has done nothing.   Plus what the fuck was with her suddenly being the voice of reason?   I’m hoping she get’s a psycho character next season, I love Emma Roberts, and I really wish she had more to do.

Overall, there was some great acting, and some unintentionally funny moments, but overall this episode was pretty shitty.   It’s not even fun to hate watch.   I really hope they step it up.   Also Danny Huston is back, or was, hopefully they do something with that.   Next week, Lilly Rabe as Sister Mary Eunice and Briarcliff return so YAY for that!   I miss season two, and I’m really pumped to see Briarcliff even if for five minutes or whatever amount of time it’ll be.   That said Pepper hasn’t really done anything this season, so it feel weird we’d just through her off the island in one episode and give her focus just to let her go.

GRADE:  C 75%

American Horror Story: Freak Show “Pink Cupcakes” Review/MAJOR SPOILERS: Dreamers

MAJOR SPOILERS FOLLOW

“Freak Show’s” really sped up these last two episodes.   We finally got to see Douche Clown in all his killing glory, we learned Dell’s secret(which wasn’t that big of secret if you read these reviews, cuz I called that shit last week), we find out that Desiree is just like all the other girls except for you know the boob thing, also Gabourey Sidibe shows up as the daughter of sassy maid and it’s awesome.   Also Matt Bomer showed up, and apparently this is a big deal, but I’ve somehow neglected to see “Magic Mike”, and “Glee”(save for a few of the Brittana episodes in Season Two), and “White Collar” so I didn’t really get it.

It was nice that the show kind of saved itself from some unfortunate implications by revealing that Desiree doesn’t have a penis.  I mean the implications are still unfortunate but less so.  I loved how she’s just like “yeah I was about to fuck your son/my stepson then my vag started bleeding.  Eh”, she’s definitely one  my favorite characters this season and it’s nice to see that people might be getting more informed about intersex people with this and “Faking It”.  Ethel is a real trooper too, Kathy Bates has kind of been killing it this season.

I’m still pretty underwhelmed with Elsa, the character just seems so familiar if you’ve seen the show before.  It’s every character Jessica Lange has played since Season One rolled up into German David Bowie singing fem dom freak show owning package.  It’s the same fame hungry, controlling, and conniving super bitch that Lange has played since “Murder House”.  Not to say that she doesn’t do it well, but it would be nice to see Jessica Lange get to flex her skills.

Douche Clown is still a clown, still a douche, and still not the best actor but his story has become more tolerable since he became more involved with the overall storyline.   I have a feeling that Matt Bomer’s character is still alive and has some freak powers, god how funny/horrible would it be if he just became a talking head like Delphine last season.   Oh my god, let’s not give the writers any ideas.  Dell’s going to have to have one fucked up backstory if the writers think anyone is going to like him, I mean how big of a cunt is he?   Like even with his boyfriend who he’s supposed to love he acts like a cunt, and that last scene with Doctor Spaceman (idk what his real name is so lets just call him Doctor Spaceman after “30 Rock”).

I’m not particularly invested in Evan Peter’s and Emma Robert’s characters or their romance this year, though if it means we get an Emma Robert’s sex scene then sure, let’s go there.  I think I’m one of the few people who really loved the fakeout kill of the twins, like how fuck up was that?   I felt like I was watching Lana getting kidnapped again, and the image of the rotting dead head of Dot was the scariest thing this season hands down.   I even jumped a little.    Plus there’s no way I’d have wanted them to kill of Bette and Dot this early, I love Sarah Paulson too much.

Overall, this episode was really good.   Somehow in spite of my general hatred of most of the characters, I’m really starting to dig this season.   Definitely needs more Pepper and Gabourey Sidibe.

GRADE:  A- 90%

American Horror Story: Freak Show “Edward Mordrake”(Parts One and Two) Review/Major Spoilers: Douche Clown Rises

MAJOR SPOILERS FOLLOW, Duh

Another year, another “American Horror Story” Halloween special. I have to say that each year these episodes deviate more and more from the Halloween theme, but “Edward Mordrake” two-parter really got me interested/a little worried in seeing where this season is going. Last night’s episode was much more fun and faster paced than the others before it, but I do have some minor fears about this season.

So the biggest twist of last night’s episode had to be Twisty’s death, which I admit was sort of inevitable because keeping him and those kids in the bus around longer might have pushed the boundaries of disbelief(then again, this is “American Horror Story”, so….), but it was still a shock to me. John Carrol Lynch really killed it this week, and I did sort of find myself feeling for Twisty a bit(though it’s a little crazy to think the sweet clown in the flashbacks just needs someone to reject his toys for him to go on a killing spree, but hey…”American Horror Story”). Also place another bingo chip on the severe mommy issues free space on your “American Horror Story” bingo card(Twisty just wanted to make momma happy, you guys. Jeez, I’d really like to meet Ryan Murphy’s mom).

Then the other twist is Dandy a.k.a Douche Clown is now the new Twisty, ew. He also killed Dora, aka god. Like fuck you Dandy, Ryan Murphy better bring back Dora or I’m done with this show. Luckily she gave birth to Gabourey Sidibe who will be back in a few episodes, hopefully to slap the shit out of Dandy and call Maggie a bitch. Honestly the Dandy twist has me worried, because he’s the worst, and I’m so sick of these douchey serial killer boys on my television. Someone just needs slap that little shit in the head(I think I just got possessed by the ghost of Dora)

Elsa lost her legs when she got raped by “watchers” in a dirty German snuff film(because, of course she did). There’s also fem-dom dog play, BDSM, and all sorts of other sex acts torn out of the kinkiest editions of “Savage Love” column. Also how hot did Jessica Lange look in that leather Elvira, vampire mistress of the night, outfit? I’d be her dog any day…did I just type that for the whole internet to see?

Also Maggie and Jimmy are going to fuck soon, I can feel it. I’m kind of bored by Emma Robert’s character this year, I just want her to smoke cigs, and call people bitches again like last year(her best line so far is “I’ve got to go pee”, forealz). Still the physical presence of Emma Roberts is still enough to keep me watching. Also Evan Peter’s character is good again, and we must forget that he killed an officer for doing his job because duh, the freaks are the good ones, it’s the real world that’s bad.

Del and Desiree are going through a sexual rough patch, in what might be the most unsubtle bit of foreshadowing this show has ever done(Spoilers you guys: Del is gay!). Which is you know a bit problematic because it implies that the only people that could love or have sex with a woman with a penis are closeted gay men(btdubs: I know real intersex people do not have penises, but the show seems to be telling us that Desiree does, so therein lies the problem). However this is a Ryan Murphy show, therefore any expectations of the show delving into the nuances of human sexuality in a more complex way beyond straight=vagina lover and gay=dick lover, with a catty reference to bisexuals being confused, should be left at the door.

I’m really digging Kathy Bates character this year, and her scene with the doctor was fantastic. She’s definitely got a much meatier role than sassy racist serial killer head from last season(omg, when she was just a talking racist head, oh god, “American Horror Story” I love you so much). Also Jessica Lange covered Lana Del Rey, it was historically inaccurate but also amazing. Got to admit I’m digging these musical numbers more than I thought I would be. Denis O’Hare’s character has a lot more flare this year than in the other seasons. Very Russel-ish, he’s a much engaging foe than Spalding or Larry. Anyways “Edward Mordrake” started a bit slow, but by the second hour it seemed the show was finally ready to show us the good stuff.

Other Things

+  We’ll always remember that time Dora dressed up like Woody the Woodpecker, and didn’t give a fuck what anybody thought about it.   We’ll miss you Dora:(

+Pepper is still awesome/underutilized.

+ Lilly Rabe will be back in episode ten reprising her role as Sister Mary Eunice from season two. I would show concern because it’s GOING AGAINST THE RULES OF THE SHOW, but who the fuck cares? It’s Lilly fucking Rabe, who the fuck are you?!?

+Edward Mordrake kind of sucked.

+ Happy early Halloween!

GRADE: B(Part One)/A-(Part Two)

American Horror Story: Freak Show 4×01-4×02 “Monsters Among Us”/”Massacres and Matinees” Review(Major Spoilers)

Don’t call us freaks!

“American Horror Story” is back!   I’ve remained cautiously optimistic for “Freak Show” in spite of the horrific final episodes of “Coven”(I was actually digging Coven for a while, but alas it’s final five episodes were a hot mess).   The new season is filled with a blend of new and old blood(including the show’s first returning character Pepper from “Asylum”, played by Naomi Grossman), and while still shot in New Orleans, the setting is more rural this time around.  Ryan Murphy and the cast weren’t lying when they said Season Four would be a spiritual successor to Season Two, the tone of it’s very reminiscent of Season Two.   But is it good?

I think it’s a little early to say that, and be 100% sure.   The first few episodes of “Coven” were fucking fantastic, and that slowly digressed into a steaming pile of shit by the finale(aka the worst hour of television I have ever viewed).  The first two episodes are very basic introductory episodes, and it seems this season is going to be going at a much slower pace.   I think this season has a lot of potential and I’m excited to see where this is going.

“Monsters Among Us” was a very strong opener.  Obviously there was a lot of buzz about that “Life on Mars” cover, and I think it deserves it all, Lange killed it(Bowie’s still better though).  I found the opening scene with the mailman entering Bette and Dot’s house to be fantastic.

The biggest problem I have with this season so far is Dandy aka Douche Clown Jr.   Much like the other characters to receive the title of douche here on this blog(Zach from “Dexter”, and the twins from “The Following”) he is a budding young sociopath and certified douche bag in 49 states including Alaska.   I truly can’t put into words how sick I am of the budding young sociopath douchebag that has slowly been making it’s way into every show.   He is the worst(but omg, Frances Conroy is adorbs as always!).

While I can’t say I’m personally scared by Twisty, I can say the visual design is fantastic and I can totally see why people are so freaked out by him(his mouth, tho’).  Having said that his story feels very disconnected from the freaks,  and kind of a random add on which I guess is sort of a classic “AHS” feature.

The second episode was surprisingly boring for an episode of “American Horror Story”.   Though the introduction of Desiree and the strong man looks to be a very interesting storyline.   Also the Sarah Paulson “Criminal” cover was fantastic, I have a feeling the music is going to be a lot of historically inaccurate fun.  I’m really digging Kathy Bates character this season.

The whole Elsa wants the twins dead twist was a bit too “Coven” for my tastes.   It’d be nice to see a Jessica Lange character that wasn’t selfish and out to get everybody.  So far we’ve had one great episode of “Freak Show” and one meh one.  I have a feeling that now all the characters are introduced the pace should speed up.  Also tonight’s episode introduces Emma Robert’s character and we all know how much I love me some Emma Roberts(any chance Ryan can throw us a bone and  throw in a little woman ass this season?).

GRADE:  A-(“MoA”/B-(“MaM”)

Let’s Cast “Orange is the New Black” Season Three!

WEIRDLY ENOUGH SPOILERS FOR “THE L WORD” FOLLOW…

Today I’m going to cast “Orange is the New Black” season three, so that Jenji Kohan/casting directors don’t have to.  The following are actresses/actors that fosho need to be cast in Season Three, and who they should play.  

  • JENNIFER CARPENTER(Debra Morgan from “Dexter”):  If you’ve ever read this blog before, you’d know that Jennifer Carpenter is my religion(as is Sarah Paulson a.k.a. our lord and savior).   I feel like Jennifer Carpenter should be in every show as the universe’s way of apologizing for the final season of “Dexter”, but I specifically want/need her to join “Orange is the New Black”, because she’s just so perfect for it.  As Debra Morgan, Carpenter was incredibly versatile, she could make us laugh with her foul mouthed antics, make us sad with her incredible crying, everything she was given she just took it and ran with it, which is why she needs to be on “OITNB”.                                                                                                                 WHO SHE SHOULD PLAY:  I could see her playing a foul mouthed prison guard, who doesn’t take any shit, but has a heart of gold underneath her cold exterior(cliché, I know).   I could also see her playing an inmate who was part of a motorcycle gang, who swears a lot, and starts up a relationship with Alex Vause and becomes involved in a love triangle with Piper and Alex.
  • FAMKE JANNSSEN( EVERYTHING):   You might know Famke from “Nip/Tuck” as the crazy but hot transgender woman who was fucking her son, or maybe you know her as crazy but hot lady who is probably fucking her son as well as her brother in law on “Hemlock Grove”, or maybe you know her as Jean Grey from “X-Men”.  The thing is you probs know Famke Jennsson and her incredibly sexy name.  Currently she stars on Netflix’s other, other show “Hemlock Grove”,  which is so terrible it’s almost good(almost).                                                                                                                  But let’s just ignore that, because everyone else does, and let’s just say she needs to be on “Orange is the New Black”.   Because…well….she totally does.                                                               WHO SHOULD SHE PLAY:   Alex Vause’s hot aunt, who goes to jail and is super crazy and yells a lot(Fun Fact:  Famke Jennsson was going to star in “The Farm”, a failed Showtime spin-off of “The L Word”, which was going to be based in a women’s prison).
  • BRIE LARSON(UNITED STATES OF TARA, COMMUNITY, SHORT TERM 12):  Brie Larson is a fucking gem.   This girl is just awesome, I don’t think I need any further explanation.   She needs to be in more television, haven’t casting directors seen “Short Term 12”?                                                                                                                WHO SHOULD SHE PLAY:  I’m thinking more of a  two episode guest-spot/recurring role, maybe as Soso’s friend who she mentions all the time.
  • PAM GRIER(“The L Word”, “Smallville”):  I really love Pam Grier, and that’s why it makes me sad that she’s been so absent in the media lately.  Her last television role was like three episodes on “Smallville”, where she was only around for like ten minutes total.   She’s awesome, and we need more Kit Porter in our lives.     WHO SHOULD SHE PLAY:  Pam Grier is a badass, who knows how to bring the sass, so who better for her to play than Sophia’s mom?  ALSO MORE LAVERNE COX, ASAP!
  • JESSICA LANGE(“American Horror Story”):  She’s almost free, you guys.  Free from the clutches of Ryan Murphy’s inconsistent writing(TBH, I still love AHS, but that mostly has to do with the cast and Tim Minear).  Jessica Lange could play a tree, and I’d still watch it.  Get her on OITNB!                                                                                                              WHO SHOULD SHE PLAY:       I haven’t thought that far ahead.  Really ‘do, Jessica Lange for OITNB!

I might make a second part of this if I get any other ideas.  In the meantime, tell me in the comments who you want to see on “Orange is the New Black”, and whether or not you like my casting choices.  Thanks for reading!

*I apologize for the horrible formatting, this new formatting is the worst.